wow... I'm so sorry for all you've been dealing with. My xh used to call events like that 'raining anvils'. He was bipolar, but didn't accept the diagnosis, so I'm at least a little familiar with what you're starting with...
You've bought yourself a little breathing room; you need help now. One thing at a time...
- you're on the forums here, and getting to AlAnon IRL will help more. I take an hour 'lunch' once a week, and eat at my desk to make up the time another day. Can you find a close-by meeting?
- Your son and daughters could use AlAteen... don't force them, but offer to take them. If they could go even 5 or 6 times, it may help their own recovery.
- What Pelican said is so true... this man's abusive qualities are going to stay, whether he's sober or not. 90 days is not enough to change those tendencies.
- can you divorce or move? do you want to? If you can, figure out a plan. If you don't want to, figure out a plan. Decide what's right for you and your kids, and start enforcing your boundaries... on yourself. (For me, it was as simple as saying 'I won't live with an active alcoholic'. It took me a year to come to that place.)
- ask your psychiatrist for a referral to a family therapist.
- Sylvie
we can't judge; we've been where you are.