Thanks, all. This is very confusing in general. Part of me - a big part - would like to trash the whole thing and walk away. The other part of me (the rational, intellectual part) understands the situation and chooses to honor my vows right now and give this a chance, as I stated before, for at least the first year of sobriety, as long as he was sober and participating in AA... but my boundary was not living with him. That was not an existence that was healthy for me or my daughters.
I know this isn't the marriage I envisioned (or he promised). And I see little changes that lead me to believe he is slowly learning a new way of living. It's not all bad - but certain things trigger this kind of interaction and it usually has to do with any talk of "feelings". That's like the dirty word to use if you want to have a brawl.
But he is sober (as far as I know) and he is attending AA (this I do know) and participating to some degree (I can hear the program coming out of his mouth). Some behaviors will be much harder to give up than others, I suppose. Some may never go away. I may not be content with that, either. I may very well be delaying the inevitable.
Some days, it all just makes me mad as hell. I think today is one of those days!