and the things he brought over were small things...miscellaneous stuff from the closets and girls' bathroom. Like he's sweeping through the house gathering every single freakin' item and throwing it in a box.
My dad did this when my mom left him and we moved out of state. i never understood why he sent us all that unimportant crap...tampons, toys (we were teens at that point), empty notebooks, it was all just stuff we left in closets in boxes to be thrown out. i still don't get it. (ps-my dad is an alcoholic and a crack addict...his behavior is always pretty weird.)
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It took me back to the old pattern...Tuffgirl can only have one emotion - happy - and everything else is wrong and not his responsibility. Tuffgirl is not allowed to ask him about his feelings (take the temperature, so to speak) nor share her own feelings unless they are happy. He can be a remote, distant, jerkface and he is not responsible for the consequences therein. Tuffgirl's feelings are a manipulation, beware!
I remember, especially toward the end of living with him, trying so hard to control everything (me, the girls, life, the dogs, and so on) in order for things to be happy and nothing else. I was exhausted by trying to be a robot and stuff my feelings, unless they were happy. I am tired of only being allowed to feel happy around him, and don't ever want to hear him say again that he "only wants to make me happy".
I feel like this is what i'm going through right now with my hubby (the "be happy" part). since he quit drinking i should be happy...all the time.
if i cry or get mad on the phone he just hangs up.
if im sad he says something like "quittt...everythings fine. theres no reason for you to be upset."
he also accuses me of "fake crying to make him feel bad" because i should "be HAPPY now".
