I know exactly what you're going through. I've been clean and sober for 3 years and have lived with my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years of that. Last summer he relapsed (heroin) and the lies and terror were insane! He got sober again after 4 months of of hell. Now it's nice out again and he's behaving the way he did last summer. We had a huge blowup last week and I feel I'm done. I've learned that no amount of love and caring from me is going to make him choose me over his friends and drugs. So, I'm miserable as hell but I've got to stick to it this time. I cannot live through another summer of unpredictability and misery. I miss being the alone yet happy and serene me that I once was. Thankfully, I have alot of friends in the program who have my back. I'm supposed to leave him alone and let him hit his bottom but, by the time that happens, I'll realize that the lack of trust and the mountain of resentments all serve to make me never want to go back with him again. I love him, but I love being sober more. Thanks for letting me share.