Star,
You dont have to give up any of your feelings, until/ or if you want to. You can learn how to deal with that anger, so that it does not affect your happiness as much. I am glad that you are aware of your feelings, and that you are not caught up in fixing her.
I know how you feel, wondering why they did not care more. Truthfully, in the alcoholics in my life- my mom, my dad, and now my adult son, I see a common personality trait - selfishness. All three of them, self centered, and indulgent. I have always thought that is why it was easier for them to remain unmoved or unaware of the misery and the level of destruction that was being heaped on their family. I dont totally blame the disease of alcohol, believe me!
Your dad sounds like he could surely use alanon. I am sure that you want him to be healthier too, mentally.
i dont know when my anger started going away. I can still get angry, when I think of details of the past. I still hurt, that we little girls were not valued. But, I cannot change that. I can however see that I do have value, and appreciate some lessons learned. I found happiness in my children. and made a point of not being like my mom and dad. being a good parent. i guess my family has given me a new focus. The anger does me no good now, but i went through it. you need to feel your anger, grieve the loss. it just should not be a parent hurting a child. how insane is that!!!
maybe reading some books on alcoholism, if you have not. find out what that liquid does to the brain, making it almost a useless organ, for some. some function fairly well, and some have to be so strong, to keep a job, to get up each day, even tho they have this dependence/ disease. I dont hate alcoholics, i feel for them. i am thankful that i am not one, and I wish there was a way to help them.
You are not alone. That anger can affect your life, if you let it. you have to find a way to serenity, even tho your mom has destroyed so much. I wish it was only their loss, but they take prisoners, usually.
whatever you learn, you can share with your little sister. that may help her more than you will ever know. she may blame herself, sometimes kids do. maybe she can talk to you about it?
thinking of you, hang in there, we are here. and we usually post often- recovery is a process, different for everyone , it seems.
hugs
chicory