The rose colored glasses we wear in an abusive marriage or relationship are gone now, and we can see memories with new eyes. I know for me, in my cesspool of a marriage I was in survival mode 24/7. I became numb to his verbal beatings, and was wore down to nothing by the time he left me for some floozy. He only touched me once in anger, but it was enough to keep me in fear for the rest of my years with him. It was his unique knack for making me feel like a worthless piece of sh*t that took it's tole.
I hear you on the survival mode. You really are just trying to get through the day, that you forget about what happened to you the day before or the week before. I kept shoving things deep down just so I could survive the moment. That is such a horrible way to live. Verbal beatings are worse to me than physical beatings because it messes with your self-esteem long term. He never physically hit me but he would throw me out of moving cars or shove me down stairs, spit on me, or throw me out of his apartment in the middle of the night with no way home. He would invite me out into public with him (that was where he did most of his drinking) only to berate me infront of people, talk to other girls and get them to start fights with me so I would leave crying, or leave me stranded places, only to leave with other women. He turned on me and he tried to turn other people against me as well. His friends even started joining in on the abuse as well. I was the town punching bag. I was treated like an animal. The next day he swore he would never hurt me again only to hurt me again the next weekend. It wasn't always this extreme tho. It progressed into that. I let him get away with that behavior for a year but I sure as hell won't anymore.