Starshaped,
Thanks for sharing this. Wow, this is a real tough situation, I know. How hard it must be for all of you. Did you hear the doctor say that about her being able to recover, or is that what your mom told you? If she has permanent liver damage, I wonder what the long term affects of that are?
Regardless of what your mom does, you have a life, and you can only change you. Could you and your sister go to an alanon meeting together? I knew a lady who came with her preteen daughter. they have alateen too. if you think that might help her. It sounds like you girls could surely use some support, and some ideas of how to help yourselves, from others who understand, and many who deal with an alcoholic daily.
If you could post on the family of alcoholics, too, that will get you more responses. this forum is great, but it is not nearly as active. a great bunch, but weekends are quiet.
Alanon would help your dad too. this must be really hard for him . he could also come here and get some help for his self. your mom cant be changed, by anyone other than her self. I remember wondering why our mother did not love us enough to stop drinking. She always said that she wasn't hurting anyone but herself. I guess she said that in denial, to avoid the pain of facing what she was doing to her children.
Alcoholism is a family disease. You may not be familiar with the three C's.
1. you didnt cause it.
2. you cant control it.
3. you cant cure it.
We must let go. detaching is necessary to maintain sanity. getting caught up in fixing an alcoholic will surely bring frustration. You dont have to stop loving her. if she chooses to live, or to die, that is not anything that you have control over. I know that we talked about it being a disease, but it is not like cancer, in that she does have a choice. Sometimes life becomes so painful for them that they decide to change. Perhaps your mom will.
you will learn a lot about how to manage the anger and frustration . you will learn how to have happiness in your life again. it is not easy, but many , many good people here are doing just that. some of their loved ones recover, but it is a long road of recovery. and your road is different from your moms road. she has to walk hers , and you have to walk yours.
i am sorry that this has happened to you. it sounds like your mom was a pretty good parent until she became dependent on alcohol. It is tragic, but you have to decide that you want peace, no matter what she decides to do. I know it hurts.
it is sad to see someone waste their life and to hurt their children. sometimes life is not fair. but there is joy to be found. you can grab the life you have been given, and live it , you can have peace, serenity, those are not just words. they are really possible.
sending hugs,
chicory