Thank you so much, guys. And, newwings especially.
I want to believe it. I want to think that this realization will make me feel better and lead to me getting healthy but I'm scared of trying and failing. I'm scared that I'll try to get sober and I won't and then I'll feel even worse about myself and my drinking. I know that everyone must go through some form of this and that it's not the new but it doesn't make me feel better.
What I've decided today is that if a post makes me tear up a little then there's some personal truth to it. Newwings, your posts have made me tear up a lot. I don't know if it's because you're soooooo very close to new soberity or what, but your posts mean a lot to me and your insight does as well. Thank you.