Originally Posted by
ttqttfg 
I do have something else that I just can't quit thinking about. I know it's probably "not healthy" to dwell on it. I haven't seen anyone talk about this anywhere in the forums.
TTQTTFG – Thanks so much for taking the time to highlight your story. I encourage you to post the entirety or at least your comment about regret as a stand-alone thread. I think you'll get a lot of helpful responses. For now, you only have my blather.
Regret, resentment, fear, guilt, shame…
Amends, truth, rebirth, growth …
The language of addiction. Though each is as personal and unique as the addict him/herself, please suffer a few experiences and observations from my recovery experience.
Only now, nearly two years after my last drink do I truly embrace the reality that all of the negative words above weren’t eradicated with my last longneck. Indeed, some of them (e.g. guilt, regret) intensified during early sobriety.
I cannot pretend 15 years of valuing drunkenness above all else did not scar my character.
I cannot pretend 15 years of valuing drunkenness above all else was not damaging to certain relationships regardless of whether the other person feels damaged.
For me, there is value in honestly seeking the mistakes and associated damage of my drunken past. You see, I carry much shame and regret from these items…shame and regret I must shed before true recovery can blossom. And to that end, I cannot shed (i.e. give away) that which I do not own.