New here, hoping to overcome everything
Hi everyone. I decided to join this forum because before now, I have never really talked to anyone outside of my nuclear family about my mother's alcoholism. The only people that I've ever talked to are my dad, sister, and boyfriend. I usually keep all of my feelings buried inside and it causes me to have really angry outbursts and I'm just tired of feeling this way.
To make a very long story somewhat shorter...
I'm 23 years old and my mom has been an alcoholic for at least the past 10 years, but I think it all started nearly 13 years ago. I was an only child until I was 10, and I had the ideal childhood. My mom had a full-time job, took me to all of my many activities, was very involved in everything I was doing, had hobbies, etc. Things have just never been the same since my mom started drinking heavily. She doesn't have a job, stays in bed until around 2-3 pm, drinks all day, says mean things, barely ever leaves the house, has no motivation to do anything, lies, steals money from my dad, my younger sister, and me. She isn't the mother I knew. I guess I was about 14-15 when I finally admitted to myself that I basically didn't even have a mother anymore. My dad takes on the role of both parents and he feels guilty about everything. My 12-year-old sister basically knows nothing except an alcoholic mother, and she can't even understand it fully yet.
I recently moved back home for financial reasons. This week my mom went to the hospital and it was discovered she has permanent liver damage. Along with the alcoholism, she had very poor eating habits for the past several years, and now she looks like a skeleton. So, she is now on oxegen (which might be life-long) and will probably have to get her stomach drained regularly. She looks like a frail elderly woman and she's not even 50 yet! She used to be a model, and she's let herself become this. The doctor says she should be able to build her health back up really quickly if she eats right and gets active, but that's easier said then done. Anyway, now my whole family has to deal with this issue. She just came home today. I have a hard time even looking at her. I have very little sympathy. I'M JUST SO ANGRY! I've harbored anger and resentment towards her for so long, but I don't want to be an angry person and let these feelings play a role in my life any longer.