Originally Posted by theuncertainty

Nightmares about being trapped in my car as XAH drives it, hitting everything on or near the road, cars, trucks towing boats, buildings... The owners of the stuff XAH hits, just smile and wave like in a 1950's sitcom. I cower in the passenger seat and pound on the windows. Or, me driving in my car trying to get away from XAH who is following in a truck with a gun, and seeing my gas gauge dipping below E with town lights barely visible over the far hill. My car dies and XAH is there with his gun...

So many variations on the same theme...

Or living with XAH again and going through everything again: the darkness, the tirades, the abuse, the r*s, and DS stuck there with me through it ALL.

I know these are all just me trying to process everything. The one I really hate though, is a replay of one that I'd had over and over through high school, before I'd even me XAH: I'm lost in a building, running trying to get away from some one, I'm pushing a shopping cart that a child is riding in, my son, a beautiful blond haired, blue eyed toddler, who is also screaming and crying. We have to navigate parking blocks, trying to find the door out. There is no door. I hate this one because it feels like it was prophetic back in high school and then a I-told-you-so now.

As Grnmtn1 suggests, I try to go to bed thinking good thoughts, hiking through favorite areas, walking through and decorating my own house. My T tells me that those are very helpful tools and to try to incorporate more senses into the visualization. When walking through the house, touch the counter top and feel the smooth tile, smell fresh bread, feel the coarse fur as I pet the Irish Wolfhound who is lying in front of the fireplace....

When I was little, I was able to change channels for my dreams. I'm trying to be able to do that again.