Oh my...My hubby has had tons of these.
I was just drinking 'cause I was stressed/bored/relaxing/happy/sad/etc. (you mean...awake?)
I only had 2 shots. (2 minutes later). It was just 5 shots! (2 minutes later). I didn't think you'd get so mad about 3 shots! (2 minutes later). You get the point. (maybe write the number on your hand so you can keep your story straight next time?)
If you didn't nag me so much about my drinking, I wouldn't drink so much.
When you ask me if I've been drinking, then I feel like I have to go drink!
I'm sorry I'm not perfect like you. I drink. It's what I do. Deal with it.
I was like this when you met me, so don't go trying to change me now!
I don't think I have a problem. I go to work and still have a license and all that! (yeah, you've gotten drunk at work how many times? And how much did that DUI cost? And how many times have you driven drunk and just not gotten caught?? Uh huh...).
That was just a bad night. It isn't always like that! (right...cause the other ones you were too drunk to remember the next day!)
There are SO many more, but I feel like my IQ is dropping with each one I type so I'll leave it at that. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who is "lucky" enough to hear these lines though!