I'm loving this thread.
Here are some of my AP's quackier moments:
"I don't want to go to AA. People that go to AA don't drink AT ALL, and I don't want to stop drinking completely.. I just want to know how to control it."
"I just wanted to let you know that I went to the shops today and I bought a new game for my PS3. I really wanted to go to the bottleshop and buy alcohol, but I didn't (mind you, I can hear him slur). I mean, the game cost $x amount, and I thought about how many bottles of alcohol I could have bought instead, but I still just got the game."
Me: Give me the car keys.
AP: Why?
Me: Because you've been drinking.
AP: No I haven't...
Me: Yes you have, I can tell by your behaviour (he was slurring his words, argumentative, unable to walk straight, eyes bloodshot..)
AP: How come every time I act a little bit different, people always assume that I've been drinking.. I'm over it!
AP: I will stop drinking the day that my mum stops assuming that I'm going to come home drunk.
Me: You don't think you should try and prove to her first that you can stop drinking so she stops assuming?
AP: No, she just needs to not think I'm going to come home drunk... then I'll stop drinking.
(To this day, that conversation still confuses me...)
"You used to let me drive your car by myself all the time, now because I've been drunk a few times I can't drive it on my own anymore?" (Um, being sober 1 MAYBE 2 days a week is not a "few" times. Also my car insurance does not cover "crash due to alcoholism".)
"If you don't let me drive your car, I'm just going to drink more. I don't drink when I drive your car."
"Why would I drink and drive? I've had multiple DUI's and if I get caught again, I will definitely go straight to jail. I'm not that stupid."
"I want to stop drinking, but I don't want to have to do anything to stop. I can't be bothered." (Still WTFing about this one, too)
"I didn't say that I wouldn't have a drink, I said that I wouldn't go to the liquor store. I had that bottle of vodka since the beginning of the weekend." (Took all my will power not to break his nose at this point.)
Me: I can't control you when you've had a few drinks.
AP: Yes you can, if I'm saying or doing something you don't like, you have to be really forceful with me and I'll stop.
AP: (Talking about a conversation we were having the other night) I don't remember saying that..
Me: That's because you were drunk.
AP: Whether I have been drinking or not has nothing to do with me remembering things. I forget things all the time.
(Um yeah, but not ENTIRE conversations)
I have a million more, as I remember them I will post.. my AP is a comedian without even realising it. Too bad the joke's on him.