Sorry to hear of your struggles - I am pretty familiar with relapse myself and am still getting thru the frustration and wounded ego of my last binge. Control & stress had a lot to do with my drinking also - I often got going simply to feel some control over my feelings, thoughts, or the degree to which the world was affecting me, and, of course, the result could not have been more counter to the goal - I ended up blacked out, reckless and utterly out of control.
Acceptance is a difficult place to reach, but the only thing that I've found to effectively help with my controlling tendencies. I've wasted an enormous amount of time and energy trying desperately to change or manipulate things that were simply never in my court. I wound up worn out, bitter, and nearly always drunk. And I hadn't changed a thing. Letting go, particularly of the past, seems to be my key to staying sober, and it's something I've literally got to actively work at every waking moment these days.
Glad to hear that you are reapplying yourself and that you're using this relapse to propel yourself rather than sink yourself.