catlover that makes sense--but at our house safety is very important and older DS sometimes acts in ways that are unsafe for his brother, himself and occasionally me.
I went to the kids' psychiatrist today--had an appt. for younger DS and older DS came along because it was take your kids to work day (and he wanted to come to work with me???? I was surprised. But we had fun-we worked hard because I had a lot of work to do--but I think it was good for him to see his Mom in action. At the end of the day he said-I see why you are so tired when you get home mom. Was this a normal day? I was honest and told him no, it was a pretty light day and he said you mean you have to work harder than you worked today???!!)
Anyway, the psychiatrist is frustrated with what is going on. We discussed the rapid brain shift that I have to do when the fight or flight response ends in older DS and he is back to being the loving son who is apologizing for all the awful things he has said. I guess that is why sometimes they say hugging kids like mine is like hugging a porcupine. But what is required and given is unconditional love.
I "talked" to my other sister today and she helped me translate an email I wanted to send to xah. She helped me re-write an email to send to xah because now he is trying to have the kids stay with him during the day in the summers. I know what he is thinking--she cannot afford summer care and she will jump at this. Wrong! They need structure and stability. Something he is not offering at his house. The psychiatrist, I could tell, was having a difficult time and asked if I could get xah to attend a co-parenting class. I am doubtful, but will ask. Of course he will be Mr. Churchguy in class and revert back to himself outside of class so I am not even sure it is worth the effort.
catlover--I just wish older DS did not have to try out this "new reality" that should not even be present in his mind. But I know I have no control over what xah does and says. My sister said a little self-righteous indignation is called for at this point in time-dished out in a very diplomatic way.
Thanks again. It is time for me to start going to see my psychiatrist and therapist again AND to get back into my hoop once it finally stops raining. Made 6 of the most gorgeous hoops in 2 days. Even older DS was wowed when we got home today.
