Originally Posted by
Lost3000 
AA is intimidating. You feel like everyone's looking at you, wondering what your deal is. No freaking way am I going to speak!!
The higher power part of AA is a HUGE struggle for me, and I know it is for a lot of people. I think if I could just get over that I'd be on my way. Maybe.
Lost3000:
I can relate to both things that you said. For me they kind of go together. AA can be intimidating...don't speak. We usually joke around in AA that most of the oldtimers in AA are too busy thinking about what THEY are going to say than worrying about whether or not a newcomer is going to speak. That is, of course, a joke.
I struggled with the higher power thing too. I wanted that "Burning Bush" experience, or sign from God. It took some time, and everyone is different, but the lightbulb went on in my head when I realized that my higher power is God, and he speaks to me through the voices of AA. If I kept waiting for God to appear in full glory, choir of angels at hand, bolts of thunder and lightning, booming voice and burning bush, well, I might be waiting a long time. But if I stop waiting, and just listen, I can hear my higher power speak to me every day through the voices of AA.
Try not to struggle to hard with the higher power thing. It comes, with time. All you need is an open mind. Besides, that's step 2. Start with step 1, "We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable." And the only requirement for AA is a DESIRE to stop drinking. Nothing else. Go to the meeting. Just listen.
Good luck to you Lost3000,
One day at a time.
Zube