Welcome to SR. I'm very proud that you poured it all out. Good for you. Now find something new to do--maybe posting here at first.
I struggle as well with the "rest of your life" bit. I think that is too much to ask. What if you thought about having three hangovers a week for the rest of your life? Wouldn't waking up sober and excited be the obvious choice? I have had many terrible hangovers and felt bad that it wasn't cancer. I mean, if I'm going to be this sick, shouldn't I be dying for real? Should I waste my time for nothing--or worse--for an expensive, destructive habit?
I hope we all can repair the damage we have done (I'm working on that myself) while avoiding what we should have been doing in the first place.