Hi Akua,
In AA, it's been my experience (and I hear it in the rooms all the time) that it wasn't going to be sufficient to simply stop drinking. Once the alcohol is gone I'm still the same person, and alcohol was fully ingrained in my brains 'reward' system along with how I dealt with life- it was my problem but also my only solution. So you're not alone in either putting it down many times before or being concerned about living without alcohol. It's been my experience that the way of life I have now since joining AA and throwing myself fully into it's program of recovery is exponentially better than my old life with alcohol.
If you read the forums here at SR long enough I think you'll discovery many similar experiences by those who have chosen a different method of recovering. To me the common theme is that we all had to find a new way of living and once we discover whatever path works for us we find a new level of freedom by not having to deal with the mental obsessions of alcohol - be it the thought of picking up again or how to live without it.
Having said that, my drinking career and attempts to quit without a solid recovery program have proven one thing- I'll invariably drink again. So I would encourage you to find a support system and some type of recovery program that you can work towards. Many of us choose a spiritual path, others religious, others may differ. But I do believe nearly most if not all of us have had to make considerable changes in order to find happiness in our sobriety - to me, that is the key- finding and maintaining happy, contented sobriety. Best of luck to you, prayers coming your way!
