do we sometimes have tendency to be punitive in our withdrawal of help under the banner of enabling.
Yes, we do. It's called Manipulation and it's a very immature way of relating to others.
Sure someone should suffer the consequences of a DUI, but does it preclude helping them get about for valid purposes?
Instead of focusing on what one "should" or "should not" do, I try to focus on what is the healthier choice in every given situation I find myself in.
Where does simply being a kind partner end and enabling begin?
At the point where you are doing for someone else what they are capable of doing themselves but cannot because their own choices and behavior have caused them to not be able to manage their own life. But often we can "handle" continuing to do this for quite a while, and do not even notice there is a problem until WE reach the point where we are doing so much to help someone else manage his or her life that OUR life then becomes unmanageable, chaotic, dramatic, stressful, etc.
If someone were recovering from another medical illness and couldn't work would we refuse to support them at all, if it were our loved one.
This is a common codependent excuse for continuing to enable. The fact of the matter is that our loved one may have a disease, but there are very effective treatments and behaviors they can use to halt the illness. They CHOOSE not to.