Originally Posted by
Howdy12 
I understand exactly what you mean. I always took care of myself until around 7th or 8th grade when my severe depression began to manifest itself. In 9th and 10th grade I developed a pretty severe eating disorder and dropped over 40-50 pounds in a matter of two months...I still have that "anorexic" thinking constantly.
It wasn't until college when I really quit even trying to take care of myself. I indulged in a lot of alcohol and drugs, skipped classes, and ended up dropping out before my first semester was over. I probably just use not caring about myself as an excuse to keep destroying myself with alcohol and drugs. If I don't care about myself why bother ever being awake or sober?
If I'm awake, I don't want to be sober. If I'm sleeping, I don't want to wake up. I keep trying to work on it but ultimately, I don't care enough.
Wow, I can relate here. Especially the last part. I'm always kind of hoping that I won't wake up, and when I do I just want to get drunk or high. Then there's all the health problems that come with it and it just makes it all worse. I just want to go back to when I was a kid, where things were simple and I was happier. I really can't see how I can fix my screwed up mind into not worrying about stuff and just being happy.
Just when I think I'm finally happy something minor happens and then I end up depressed over nothing really.
