Hi all,
I am going crazy over here. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, lived together for 2. I actually met him while he was in a 1 year live- in rehab (court ordered). He had about 4 months till graduation till i met him. After he graduated, he moved into my place and everything was going fine. He was going to meetings at first but those slowly started dwindling off. I really didnt know anything about recovery back then, I thought he was "healed" from rehab so I questioned it a lil bit, but when he said he didnt feel comfortable because there was no 'young people' group, I just said ok.
Sooo a year after graduating rehab, he relapsed. His drug of choice was meth and oxy. He slowly started drinking after i told him I was pregnant becasue he was stressed and then he started hanging out in the city and I guess hung out with some people that were not good and had a full on relapse. That was so painful. He would not come home all night, I later found out he cheated on me, he said he wanted nothing to do with the baby that it is too much for him. He was a completely diff person. Normally he is a great guy. He moved out and moved in with his partier friend a couple huours away. He was dealing coke and weed and steroids doing god knows what else. I regretfully ended my pregnancy....something that i regret to the fullest.
Well 2 months later, he called me saying he missed me, he is so sick, he is trying to come off heroin, oxy and whatever else. I met him at restaurant and he was crying and said he messed up so bad. He said he is going back to rehab, not to get me back but to fix himself. He said he will accept whatever decision i make, he knows he messed up. I went a visited him in rehab almost every other wknd. He seemed like he was taking it more seriously because he said previous time was court ordered and this time was a personal decision. (He went back to the same rehab)
Soon enough we were back together on a couple conditions. Those were...his recovery need to come FIRST, no matter WHAT...2 meetings a week, and keep in touch regularly with your sponser. He left the program at 4 months becasue he said he got what he needed out of it and moved to a sober living house. He was in that house for 1 week and moved out..he said there was a bedbug infestation and it was disgusting so he moved back in with me.
Things were going great for the 1st couple months...i would get up and he would be doing recovering reading or whatever...he was going to meetings and working with is sponser.
Well about 6 month out of rehab his sponser and him stopped keeping regualr contact (he said he thought his sponser was relapsing and he was going thru a lot of issues) so that was gone. His meetings went from 2x week to 1x a week to about 1x a month to no none. I think the last meeting he went to was 2 months ago and he only goes when i REALLY push it.
He admitted to me that he smoked weed a couple times and i was VERY upset. He said he would like to smoke it every once in a while at home and nothing else. He said that is not a trigger for him, drinking is. I didnt approve but I also dont want to leave him...(well im not sure anymore.) We were having money troubles so he has this great idea to GROW pot. Wtf!! Well now its been 3 months, and for the past 3 months, he is growing (he got his "medical card"-which is ********) he smokes ALL day...and i mean all day. gets up in AM goes pee....then smokes! all day in between, and at nite smokes and passes out on couch. I am rude to him because I hate this...he was supposed to be all about recovery. He said im over reacting, that he is not out on the streets like before, he is always at home and that weed is 'not a drug!" He goes to his dads to work (he is out of work here) and his dad smokes with him! I mean hello! Your son is supposed to be in recovery~ He even got him a bong for his bday! His mom and I stand united, and we have discussed our concerns MANY times, but he just gets pissed and says we are over reacting.
Now the past couple weeks he has been in conatct with questionable ppl and he said he is thinking about making "donations" of weed if you know what I mean! I told him I cant take this anymore I will not put my family thru this again (I have 2 lil girls 7 and 9 that are VERY close to him and his family) and I am moving out soon. He just says ok baby and struts off like im not serious!
I dont know what to do...am i overrecating? Should I end 3 years over this??? I feel like he is messing up so bad now...i really am torn, PLEASE someone help me!
Thanks
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