John..there is alot in this post I can relate to ..but this..
I had been drinking daily for years, and it began to take a real toll on my mood and my personality. Alcohol began altering my core being, my way of looking at and relating to the world and to people.
This is it. I was no longer in my own body. Meaning my spirit was shot to hell..pictures that I look at..I have this faraway gaze all the time. Even "sober" pictures because I may have not been drinking at some of the events but if I wasn't drinking I was hungover..I didn't care any more. Not for other people..not even for myself other than always thinking about the next time I could drink. This went on for at least 5 yrs before it dawned on me how SICK I was. And that I did have a choice..I am approaching my seventh month of sobriety and since I took a hard core look..and got angry at the stupid ways people were dying (alcohol related) or hurting themselves (DUI..car wrecks) only when I put it all together did I lose my desire to drink. It is not like catastrophic things didn't happen before..but there were just so many in 2010. I have not had a struggle..and I was pounding drinks daily. 30 plus years of drinking..but now-I am grateful to be sober. It is a very scary addiction because I didn't realize how sick I was until I was so far gone. Thanks for the post.