DD Sleepover
My sober AH (I say sober, because he has about 60 days now, but I would not classify him as "recovering") is on a good swing of late. He moved into a place that rents furnished studio apartments monthly, and has a temporary job writing from home that pays pretty well. I did help him achieve some of this by helping him move from a motel room and giving him money to fix his computer so he could keep the job. It's still difficult for me to not help when he's sober and it's something that seems like a net positive, like fixing the computer so he could work. But that's something I am working on with my therapist--extracting myself/detaching more even when he's NOT drinking.
Anyway, my question pertains to my daughter. My ex's mood lately has been pretty good, I've seen the place he's living and it's not bad--there's a full kitchen and a pull-out sofa bed as well as a double bed. He has seen dd, always accompanied by me, on three occasions and has behaved appropriately. DD asks to see him, or talk to him, sometimes, and I let her do that. The place he is living is about 10 miles away from me, and he doesn't have access to a car (DWI, no license, no car) but it's on a bus line.
And he just asked me if DD could spend the night on Friday. And I said yes. Am I an idiot? To clarify my comment about him not "recovering"--he does have a few recovery friends, but I know he's not actively going to meetings. However, I firmly believe, at least at the present time, that he is sober. I do almost as firmly believe that since he isn't working a program, it's only a matter of time before he starts drinking again. Frankly, a large part of the reason I agreed is because it is kind of nice to have someone else watch my kid for me for a change, and I do truly think she will not be in danger in any way by staying the night there with him the way he is at the moment. I think it might be kind of boring for her, but I plan to pack her up with a lot of her own toys/electronics etc. and have the stay be a quick one--i.e. drop her off pretty late and pick her up pretty early. So again, am I being an idiot? It's seriously sometimes difficult for me to tell when it comes to such matters.