Thank you. You have voiced what I have been feeling and repeating at the fringes of my conscious thoughts. It has been a battle the last few days for me to not sink back into complacency. AH also has ramped up his agenda of lulling me back to my 'old' self. He has been acting as if nothing has changed even though our relationship dynamics drastically changed some time ago. His new thing is to lovingly and with a smile say, "Baby you belong to me. I love you." I look at him like he's crazy, and he doesn't call me on it. I just can't get this business up and going fast enough! But HP is lining things up nicely, I just have to hold on and move forward. Some days it feels like I'm dragging a dead carcass around through mental fog, or like one of those dreams when you want to run but your legs are soooo heavy.
My husband hovered around perfection for years, until he snapped. When everything started coming out, the veil of perfection was drawn back. I had been kidding myself. It had escalated slowly. The frog in heating water phenomena. The kids ended up being the ones that were victim of a lot of his secret doings. They didn't tell me because young kids see mom and dad as one unit. I still look back and my mind doesn't scream abuse, but a little voice says it was subtle but it did it's job. Kind of like the AH who looks at skid-row drunks and says, "Look at them. I'm not an alcoholic!"
We can do this girl! We really can... A goal is a dream with a deadline.
Reading SR is the only thing most of the time that is keeping me focused. Funny how my mind wants to so readily draw the curtain again. Confrontation is not my strong suit and never has been.