Originally Posted by
Grnmtn1 
Thanks wanttobe for that. It's hard to hear, but I know is right on. Our son is very compassionate too and already thinks of others- a lot. Your post was perfect and brought to light something I should take a sharp look at with him NOW, before he gets much older. I'm sure my anger must spill over and the last thing I want to do is hurt him. So, I have to take a hard look at my choices and make some tough decisions, for my son's future, and ours.
Thank you so much for starting this thread. I was able to relate to so many of these posts.
As an ACA, I am sensitive to what subtle messages I could be passing down to my children (they are 8 & 11). Alcoholism is truly a disease that is passed down through generations. I know many ACA's who where not raised by alcoholic parents but ACA parents who never resolved their own issues.
My marriage is also good and I think we have a relatively healthy home. However, I find that when I'm active in my codependency I become emotionally unavailable for my children. Very similar to how alcohol made my father emotionally unavailable to me.
I started my recovery 3+ years ago because I found that I was often placing other people's problems and needs above that of my family. I was in an unhealthy place.
I'm still working on realizing that taking care of my needs and placing appropriate boundaries doesn't mean that I'm selfish. It just means that it's okay to care about me too.
I often think about putting on my own oxygen mask before assisting others and filling up my own "well" so that I have something to give to others.
I personally had to pull back from so many people and volunteer activities to work on my own recovery. For me, when I'm giving/helping and it feels good that's a sign that it is "healthy". When I'm frustrated that someone is not doing what they are "suppose" to do or when someone doesn't appreciate all that I'm doing for them, that's a sign that I'm heading into codependency.
Thanks again for the topic and for letting me share.
db