Okay guys, I need some direction and I'm prepared for the whole truth. I know I should get to an al-anon meeting, but they are really far away and I don't want to bring my son to them. I'll apologize in advance if this is terribly long, it's been brewing for many years and I need help.
We (my husband, young son and I) have a friend who we've tried to help/guide/encourage (yes, I'm now aware I can't help him and became co-dependant) over the last 6years. He has been an alcoholic for most of his life (he's 47) and has been a drug user on and off as well. He lived with us for about a year while he worked in our town (he's an unbelievably talented, hard working Chef) because he didn't have a licence and we hoped a healthy, nuclear family would encourage him to do the right thing. Well, he ended up in prison for fighting (and broken probation for old dui's). He really worked all the programs, did well etc. so we took him back in afterward. He was sober for about 6 months, working, doing great and then he fell off the wagon. Unfortunately, when he drinks he can become psychotic. We had to ask him to leave because his behavior was intollerable and the last thing we wanted was our son exposed to his yelling, rants and scary behavior.
To try to make a really long story shorter, we tossed him out. We kept in touch, talked on the phone, saw him every few weeks, would go golfing, fishing and I continuously tried to encourage him to find sobriety. He started seeing a therapist about 2 years ago, has a psychiatrist (who has prescribed many, many pills including: lorazapam, buspirone, trazadone, clonadine, cytalopram...for anxiety, sleep disorders, PTSD). He hit what I thought was rock bottom about a year and a half ago (homeless, suicidal, alcoholic to the point where he was drinking quarts of vodka at a clip) and he asked for help. "Yay, finally" I thought. "He's ready to really do this" (been through detox 3x in 5 years). We took him back in
, yes I know. Well, same cycle and out he went 4 months later after crazy screaming fights etc.
So, here we are a year and a half later. He stopped drinking a month ago because he realized we were done! I was no longer willing to put up with his bad behavior (lying, manipulating, treating me horribly when he was drunk, I can't stand the people he chooses to spend his time with not to mention his girlfriend who doesn't drink, but she's dumber than a box of rocks, I'm sure makes bad choices and leaches off him for his apartment and $). I also realized that if I walked away (we're his only real, solid, stable friends, much like family) he may actually stop drinking. Well, it worked.
He's been sober from the booze for about a month, BUT, now he's abusing his meds like crazy. Off and running...
This is the part that just gets hard, annoying, frustrating and where I think I should walk away. He "said" he turned in his lorazepam to his dr. because he knows it's wrecking his life. However, he still has the buspar and I know he's abusing that. He's never truly honest with me (addicted behavior), tries to work the system and thought by telling me (today) because they were prescribed, it was fine to take them. Not more than the prescribed amount to get a high! Grrr. He forgets days at a time and we're at the point where I think his short term memory is shot (he's been know to take 30 lorazepam and drink a quart of vodka in an hour- amazing he's still alive).
(Yes, I'm married in a very happy marriage). We've always been there to try support our friend and encourage him to turn his life around as he's an amazing friend when he's sober and has such unbelievable potential. My husband has lost his patience and I'm close, but I can't seem to let go because I'm afraid if I do, he'll become suicidal again. I know it's not my job and there's nothing I can really do, I think I just need to hear it. I also miss my old friend and I want to know if you think there's a chance his brain is simply fried and perhaps I should give up. Basically, I keep looking for the person we got to know 6 years ago and he appears to be gone.
So...I've become some sort of wackado. He pushes my buttons almost every time we talk because I think he's high or he is high from his pills, I can't be sure if he's ever telling the truth, he's blown off our appointments to get together, I don't trust him and don't agree with his friend choices (they are all addicts) and I can't seem to just walk away. I miss my old friend and I keep hoping he'll "come back" and in the meantime, I'm trying desperatey to make things normal again. Ugh. Help. Thank you