It does/ did come across that way, at first.
I had to add experience to my reading, and SR is a MAJOR help in fleshing out what is detachment, what is cold shouldering, what is overdoing it.
I really have had to come up with a definition of my own, and it does vary person to person, because each person has different triggers, different issues with their Significant Other.
Right now, the best definition I am able to give about detachment for me, is this:
I used to be sort of tied to my As boat. I used to be on his ride.
You know how they come home or call, and there is some drama, or some anger. ..It could be that they are drunk, or that they are NOT drunk.
Either way, I would cringe, then shrivel when my A became angry. I felt like I should make it right. This took a long time to even identify, because no one wants to be that person...but I was.
I think I was over identified, maybe even DEFINED by his mood. If he was angry at me, I had to make it right, If he was drunk, I had to make his stop drinking, If he was suicidal, my life was upside down...
Another thing, I used to get all glowy and frilly and rosy eyed if he was on a great tip, was affectionate, loved me, treated me right. ALl the sh*tty crap he did the night, day, or week before just flew out the window.
I was literally riding his emotional coat tails.
My moods, my day, my experience of joy or resentment, my JOB, my KID>...WOULD ALL get put on the backburner, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER>
because I was more addicted to remediating, or experiencing HIS experience than I was to experiencing MINE.
NOW:
HE can blow his top, he can love me to death, he can be drunk, or sober, and my goal is to not forget MY DAY< MY MOOD< MY KID< MY CAREER>
Keep your eyes straight ahead, on your side of the street.
Dont try to fix the A, change their mood, Make them choose something FOR YOU(this always backfires!)
It is so much more of an experiential lesson in my life.
Once you start doing it, the more you will do it, then one day, you will wake up and realize you maybe dont want to answer that call right now, you dont want to have THAT argument.
You start making the CHOICE to contribute, be supportive, and you start drawing lines so the VERY LIFE DOES NOT GET SUCKED OUT OF YOU>
And this is SELF CARE> and this is detaching.... (for me, anyway...)