Shell!
You start by saying you don't want to go to AA and then that you want to know how to take that first step. Well, you took the first step by coming here. That is a huge step. You survived it right? You did not blow up and your computer did not start flashing "alcoholic alert!" over and over with an alarm going off and a big red arrow pointing at you right? Of course not!
You don't have a recovery plan yet.
I started my sobriety by checking myself into a VA hospital for detox and rehab. Living at rehab was not for me, I have a great family and home of my own, health care, and a determination that this would be the only time I go through the recovery effort, so I checked out after two days living there. I joined AA going twice weekly to a great small group that were all long time sober, some for decades, for the first three months of my sobriety. I also stayed here in SR daily.
I am 58 and with the amazed support of my two grown sons, both of whom said that I was not an alcoholic but then accepted it, and my Significant Harasssment of 39 years, who still drinks and smokes as a normal person, and having my two pups to play with and take for long walks, with a little help from the man upstairs I seem to have made it.
We have seen many folks that take a looong time to realize that if they do what they did over and over that did
not work for them before, doing the same thing again and expecting it to work is insanity.
You asked at the end how to overcome your hesitance and go to an AA meeting. Ok here's the secret. It is like joining a gym. You don't lose weight unless you go.
Just pick one meeting and go. You do not have to say anything. If asked just tell them the truth, that you are new to this n ot ready to say anything yet. Then go to another three or four meetings in your first week. Then decide which one made you feel more comfortable and pick that one as your home group. I can tell you that at first there were severla groups that I could not attend or feel comfortable attending. Now I could get something out of all of them.
Just go and then post back your impressions here. You will find they don't bite, and are just like you. Just remember to take what you can use and leave the rest. Sopme take it all and stay sober by attending AA meetings all week long and for years and if that works for them then great! Some like me go for a few months and get the feedback that we are experiencing what everyone else did or at least another did and it is normal. I would not have made it without that wonderful group. I just went back yesterday to let them know I was great and did not relapse, and to thank them for being there for my successful recovery.
OK now here is where you come in. You have to make a recovery plan and stick to it. You have to admit to your family and friends that you are in recovery if not now then soon to get their support or at worst to get them to not try to get you drinking again.
I would advise you to get your doctor or a doctor in on it immediately. Then he or she will know what you need from them. And they can refer you to the support systems for recovery in your town.
Some other options are professional counseling one on one and group. Home or in hospital detox to be sure you don't have acute withdrawal problems like seizures etc. Talk the options over with a doc.
There are also rehab systems both live in which wasn't for me, and outpatient. I chose outpatient.
If you have friends that are not alcoholics themselves you can enlist their support as well.
But you can't hide that you are quit. It will be obvious to your old drinking partners friends or aquaitances, your family, and your spouse if you have one.
I believe that local face to face support is essential. For some that is a friend or family member and that is enough.
Worried that you will be talked about? Haven't seen that happen yet, and don't care myself. No, I am not one of those reformed drunks that tell everyone they meet that they are saved and drinkers are damned or some such. I simply say when asked that I don't drink as a matter of choice, but you go ahead it isn't an issue for me. It isn't. You see for me privately, I know that one drink is slow suicide that was speeding up, and I am no longer suicidally drinking.
So what are you going to do different this time. And what is your recovery plan after you check out AA and decide if it is for you or not?
Quitting is easy, I did it a million times for a few minutes or hours.
Recovery takes a bit more effort but can work. For each the recovery plan is different.
You will recover too, if you want to, and are willing to get the tools. You have already made a terrific first step. Remember also that a recovery plan is common to all that recover. My way isn't the right way, just my way. Your plan will vary.
Just remember. "It" doesn't get better, "you" get better.
I sincerely wish you a safe and speedy recovery.
I also look forward to your future posts here and supporting you here.