Man, this is turning out to be quite a process, this sobriety thing! What started me thinking was reading what Zini wrote this morning:
When drinking, I always have two moods: drunk and shamefully hungover. I guess I've learned to manage those pretty well over the years. It's clear-eyed living that's a problem.
I got pretty used to my way of living too - the psuedo-functional, secretive "wino-mom." I did all the usual stuff, the outer stuff (work, pay bills, etc.) but without any energy or soul.
It was miserable, but it was also predictable. It gave me a focus. Even early sobriety was all about alcohol.... getting through the cravings, doing things sober, the first weekend, the first holiday.......
Now after 11 months, I'm realizing that Sobriety 101 is just the beginning. I've been thinking about my addiction to nicotine - 40 frickin years of smoking..... and quitting that is even scarier than alcohol for me. I wonder if lung cancer is any easier to die from than liver disease......
I'd also like to go back to studying a Course in Miracles, but that's really scary too, a letting go of all the ego stuff........ yikes.
So, I'm just wondering if anyone out there has had thoughts like this. I feel solid in my sobriety, but don't know if I can handle the rest of the onion......
