Kittykitty,
I had the similar revelations about my FOO... A grandfather who was an alcoholic, a nagging controlling grandmother, an alcoholic father, a nagging controlling mother... Funny because I married an alcoholic with an alcoholic father, a nagging con tolling mother, an alcoholic grandfather and a nagging controlling grandmother!
I'm the first, on both sides, to step through the doors of an al-anon meeting. So... There's hope for me, and my children!!
Having several years of program under my belt, I am now able to detach with love and compassion from all of the chaos of my FOO. I see my mothers behavior, and I accept it as it is... And love her because she's doing the best she can with the tools she has. I tried getting her to go to al-anon about 5 yrs ago. She walked out of the meeting and said it was definitely not for her! Her denial runs deep... And I have compassion for that. Same with my husband, I have compassion for him... From a distance, because if I get too close emotionally I get hurt!
Anyways... I'm rambling. I think it's an important part of our recovery to look at our FOO... It really uncovers a lot of info about why we are the way we are.
Thanks for sharing!