Welcome 30Sober... so glad you found us, hope you love hanging out here as much as I do. There are so many kind, caring, supportive and helpful people here. Keep reading and post when you feel like it... the key is keep coming back, it works.
I, like yourself, used SO many excuses as to why I needed to drink. Now, I kinda laugh at myself thinking back at all the excuses I used... but at the same time realize I was very sick. Alcohol alters our brain and makes us think differently, this knowledge gained (through reading) along with doctor's input make me understand this more.
I am glad you are tired of it and have a strong desire to improve your life -- it is well worth the work.
Good luck on your journey 30Sober!