I agree with you though, there seems to be no right way to handle the AH because if I detach it seems to him that I am giving him approval and that he can do whatever he wants and I am not mad about it. Then he starts to get overly affectionate with me because since I am not yelling at him I must be okay. But if I am talking to him about his problems I am a bad guy. That is why I am starting to realize I just can't talk to him anymore at all and as soon as we can get the house sold and custody arrangements set up (I am praying he will get no unsupervised visits!) I will be going no contact. He is too mentally ill and no one can get through to him.