Day 4----my story
Hello all
I have decided to give myself a birthday gift. I will be 40 yrs old on tuesday! I will try to wrap my story up without dragging on and on. In my 20s I married a man who was a full blown alcoholic (would've thought I learned) HA
He was inpatient 3 times and out once. He was highly functioning until he lost his wife, 2 kids, and job forced him into treatment. Fast forward to the end of my 20's and my divorce. I was 29, newly single, kind of lost, but had many single friends who were quick to show me what I had been missing, I had A LOT of fun. I was going out having fun, we were hot single 30 somethings acting like we were 20......anyway......after a couple of years having fun I met a man when I was 34 and he was 46. We fell in love. He is a professional, hard working man. We had a great courting. We would drink, but he wasn't a big party guy and I liked that. I truly always liked being a wife and mother.....anyway, we would have wine during the week (after all he is italian and that's what Italians do) which over time progressed to a couple if cocktails at home then a small bottle of wine with dinnner. Then we moved to a rural area......we dont go out. We stay in. We drink. Over the past couple of years it has gone from a couple to 3-4 for me and 6-10 for him , then wine with dinner....Yikes.
Two years ago I had my 1st panic attack. Went to Urgent Care and they said you are having a panic attack.....I thought they were crazy. I am a strong confident successful woman......I dont panic!!! Boy, was I wrong.......over the past year I have been caught in this crazy circle of self medicating.......I knew even back then it HAD to be related to the alcohol/hangover/withdrawals......Last week I had another one soooo bad I could not eat without feeling like I was choking.......long and short of it. My last drink was Monday at 9:30
The last few days sucked. I have no desire to drink. I DO NOT want to ever feel that anxiety again.
I was worried about tonight. Kids are gone. Fridays & Sat are my husband and my nights to "live" up out here in the country. He is on his 3rd or 4th and I am SOBER.......I think he is having a harder time with me not drinking than I am.......I think he likes me to drink as to deflect his own......Anyway....that's my story!