Oh Sylvie!!! Here's a big ole cyber hug!!!
I know what you mean about the night time! It's the WORST. I woke up last night in a full on sweat/panic attack because I was having a dream fight with AH. There are sooo many emotions going on right now. What seems to help me best when they do that is to just sit and feel them. Like waves crashing over me. I don't react or even talk, just sit with them and wait for it to subside... and this too DOES pass.
One step at a time.
Can I make a suggestion? Stop talking to him about his stuff. You made your decision to go - leave it at that. Talking about things only muddy's the water.
I'm done talking to AH. There's nothing more to say. I've made up my mind - I want a divorce. Period. What he choses to do or not do - his business. He may sober up, maybe not. He may find recovery, he may not. Either way... I'm moving on and I'm not open to discuss things. The only thing I want to talk about is how we are going to settle custody and assets.
Focus on you and hand him over to his HP!