Thank you ~ words fail me for the gratitude I have for you.
I woke up in the night again, not crying this time, but PISSED. So angry - and using his words 'How could you do this to us? You knew what I was like when we started!' My fists were clenched so hard it hurt.
That made it easier this morning when he cried as I was boxing up books. He said that although he wasn't willing to go to AA, he was willing to 'deal with the issue'. I looked him straight in his face and said 'In order for us to be together, you need to stop drinking now, and permanently.' He agreed to that... but those were my words, not his. And he hasn't quit, not when he blacked out and attacked me, not when he got a DUI, not when I said I won't live like this anymore. He always has an excuse to start up again. When he agreed to it this morning, I did not wrap my arms around him and tell him I'd changed my mind. I told him I was glad he'd made that decision, and that we'll see how things go. Then I turned my back on him and kept packing.
I came to work and cried in the bathroom. I keep throwing up. I got my period this morning. I have a headache. I haven't even told key family members yet. It's raining, and will keep raining through the move.
This is good - I feel like I'm whining. As hard as this is, I have it so much easier than so many other people leaving alcoholics. There's enough money (barely), there's plenty of support, there's minimal drama.
We move in 24 hours.
- Sylvie