Thanks for the thought-provoking feedback, folks. I could represent my country at the over-analyzing olympics (adult child, what can I tell ya ...) but in this instance, it's more of a new awareness.
LTD I love this:
"Somewhere along the line, your psyche associated empathy and compassion with attraction. Possibly even pity with love. Those associations can be changed, but they are much more difficult than changing the external behavior."
Traits versus behavior gives me lots to think about - maybe it's the moment between instinct kicking in and action following it where we have the room to start to heal. If I can start to take that moment to step back rather than act, I might not have to keep (and keep, and keep) repeating trait-generated behaviors that have gotten me into trouble in the past.
TC I also totally relate to wanting to be healed and trying to heal other people - I've been down that road before, too.
Thanks for all the responses - I've enjoyed the different perspectives on this one (keeping an open mind...)
Hugs, SL