The Logistics of Leaving
This is a tough call. It took me a year of deliberation and financial planning. A year of observation and emotional accounting. Now I'm ready to go.... and I'm a crying tender jagged mess.
I'm trying to stay calm, and treat everyone with love. I could use help with the emotional side of the logistics. I found an apartment - ds was hyper and then cried in the parking lot. I told my HR director I may need some odd hours coming up, and she cried. I told my ABF's sister that I was planning on moving and got a tight-lipped 'I suppose you have to do what you think is best' - she's a counselor. I moved the money around online, and cried myself when I realized that this move puts me 2 1/2 years off my debt-repayment plan. One coworker asked me about it, and then just walked away, saying 'I've got to think about this!'. His wife works with ABF's sister. Small town.
I need to call people to help me move stuff, and I think they'll say 'you got yourself into this, you can get yourself out'. Or worse. Everyone tells me what a great guy he is, and implies that I'm not giving him the benefit of the doubt, or whatever. But they're not the ones listening to his drunken criticism, or wondering if he's dead when he's an hour late. Not the ones who know that if his buddy's bike is in the driveway, it's better to stay at a friend's house.
Plans help:
Today: finish a huge order, and get ready for Monday's presentation, and sell my mom's car. Tomorrow: get boxes, get ready for Monday's presentation, get the apartment keys. Try not to throw up. Pack essentials.
Friday: prep for the presentation, keep packing, call people to help.
Saturday: go for a run, pack, move. Go to the Eagle Scout ceremony. Get ds set at a friends house. Stay alone at the apartment.
Sunday: fly to LA, take myself out to dinner on the expense account, hopefully.
Monday: do the presentation, fly 'home'. Arrive at 11pm, to a new apartment. Alone.
Tuesday: keep breathing. pick up ds from school. unpack.
You see how many emotional pitfalls there are! It's less than a week. I can do this. Just, hold my hand, okay?
Thank you,
- Sylvie