Hi Tyler, glad you are feeling a bit better today. I hope you can find something to make you happy, for everyone it's different; I've dealt with depression for 40 some years and only in the past couple of yrs have I found some measure of peace and joy. Sobriety started me on the path out of depression but I was probably in recovery for at least 2 yrs before I started to feel at peace. I hope you can work with your doctors to find what helps you.
Originally Posted by
tyler 
I've been hospitalized 3 times, and while I understand it's not really meant to be a stay at the Hilton, the last time was particularly bad. I have sleep issues (tried Ambien and Lunesta, they don't do anything for me) and the beds in the ward inflate and deflate continually (I guess either to prevent bed sores or if not completely crazy, to drive us there). The whole week I was there I was exhausted, uncomfortable, and generally found it to be not helpful. It did keep me from killing myself, it's lone saving grace, I suppose.
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When I was hospitaled in '07 when I tried to kill myself (for me too there was no medical explanation why I survived it had to be divine intervention), the beds did the same dang thing!! On my 5th and 6th night (I think) I was convinced there were ghosts in my room because of the way the bed kept inflating and deflating I envision this old woman kept sitting on the bed and getting up and I figured she had previously died in the room; then I thought it was my cat that had been dead a year kept jumping off and on the bed..... sheesh finally on the 7th day I was consciounse enough to get out of the bed and investigate the bed and only then realized the bed was automatically inflating and deflating. I'd forgotten about that until you wrote that... another good reason to not try an off myself again.