uncertainty,
What drives the organization, and continuation of any self-help, or 12-step meeting, is the group that shows up. Your discomfort or unwillingness to lead multiplied by a hundred thousand, would yield zero al-anon meetings.
I was missing my regular al-anon meeting for several weeks, and my co-worker who is a.a. was scolding me a bit - saying I need to get back, need to make it a priority. I thought about it for awhile, and then had a conversation with her in which I said that when I feel over-controlling, or really hurt or a number of other things, I know I need a meeting or two (or 10) and I then go. She said, "makes sense; I guess it's different for us addicts -- we NEED those meetings -- I NEED those meetings, to stay sober.
So, I think it's important, but not as life-saving-ly critical. In the same way that is.
I think the eye-roll and/or snotty tone of voice is unacceptable in a caring group (that is supposed to be all about support!). However, a few members at my al-anon meeting gently encourage folks to push past their initial discomfort and they have without exception felt rewarded and grateful when they did step up to serve. In our meeting, the "leader" serves for 3 months, and often two people split the duty so it's not overwhelming. Your group gets to make its own rules.
Few meetings have child care, but they do exist. Perhaps start something up at your home group? It would need to be brought up at your business meeting. Remember, your group gets to make the rules, and your voice is just as powerful as each other member's.
You are not just a follower, you are a full-fledged member. As for the other unseemly things going on at that meeting, if you can't easily find another, "take what you like, and leave the rest" applies.
(I have brought a kid, set her down out in the hallway with a book)