Ugh I get it.... I recall once XABF looked really beat down and SAD and melancholic and I felt SO close to him... UGHHHHHHH.... we are all mirrors, aren't we? it was myself I was seeing... I desperately wanted to heal ME, through someone else...
I wish I had realized this then! oh well. I realize this now.
You did very well, recognizing how this is unhealthy for you!!