kittykitty

Absolutely!!! I'm struggling with this, back and forth lately. Granted, it's only been a week for me, but the last time I broke it off with him I went for three weeks before the "it wasn't so bad" kicked in, and i got back together with him. Of course, things were okay for a while, but they got bad again eventually.

I went to an open AA meeting last night, every Monday is a speaker. This guy had nine years of sobriety, had really turned his life around, and was doing really well. The thing that got me was when he started talking about his wife. He said his wife has never been to Alanon. He said she stays on him about doing what he needs to do, and keeps him focused on his program when he starts to falter. When he gets crabby, or starts to show signs of forgetting his recovery, she reminds him to call his sponsor, or go to a meeting. He said that he wouldn't be where he was today without her pushing him, and keeping him on the right track. He's thankful for her and her part in his recovery.
This seems like exactly what Alanon tells us we shouldn't be doing. What time after time others tell us should not be our responsibility. But this is what works for him. His wife motivates him to be a better person. And this is what my ExABF was asking me to do, to help motivate him and keep him on the right track. I refused, because Alanon tells me that I shouldn't have to do that.
I wasn't supposed to go to that meeting. I was planning on meeting my sponsor at a meeting, but I didn't realize that she meant the new alanon meeting on the other side of town, so I ended up at the AA one. They say God puts us where we need to be, and gives us people to tell us what we need to hear. Was I supposed to hear that for a reason? I'm so confused right now.
SO of course I spent all night, and this morning wondering, was it that bad, and did I do all i could to help him be the person he could be?

I should have started my own thread here, sorry. It just really resonated with me what you wrote.