Originally Posted by
wicked 
I can understand this, I cannot explain it other than (for me) if the other person appears vulnerable, then in comparison, I would be the strong one.
I felt weak, but I was not really, I had no idea the strength I had.
Maybe I just felt he would appreciate me as a savior.
Hmm, very hard to put into words.
Ah, maybe I was playing another one of my "roles", my distorted idea of how I should act, not the real me.
I must think some more on this.
Beth
Bingo. It took me a long time after my relationship with XABF ended to really understand the dynamic. I didn't fall in love with a healthy guy and then idealise the idea of that healthy guy when it became clear he had a problem.
I became -more- drawn to him when it became clear he had a problem. I slotted right into a role I learned in childhood. It was magnetic. It was familiar -and it (felt) irresistable.
At least this time it was a moment, and I can step back and take a look at it. I won't act on it, I'm not going to offer to bring him soup and I'm not planning a future with him. But if I hadn't spent some time unpacking my last relationship I'd be feeling drawn to him right now and assume that it was just a connection I'd "missed" somehow until it blossomed. Coincidentally. As he was incredibly vulnerable and very obviously hurt.
Hm. But Beth, your description kind of nails it. Not sure I was even thinking ahead as far as being the strong one or the savior. It was more of a pavlovian response - and it was overwhelming.