Tough love is something I am not very good at. I struggle with my own issues daily and trying to just make it through life sometimes seems hard for me. Maybe I am co-dependant and try to make excuses or minimize her actions.
The boundaries and the wording of those boundaries is the tricky part for me, I think some good boundaries would be as follows:
1. no drinking whatsoever.
2. attend her groups on a daily basis
3. no verbal aggresiveness or physical abuse for that matter.
Obviously I can state all of these in the manner you described, I can't live or subject myself to living with you drinking.
I can't live with you if you aren't receiving help for your alcoholism. etc. etc.
Be supportive of her is what I can think of for me. I just don't know how long I can hang on and be supportive without any interaction such as a couple. I already feel lonely at this point and sad that this has happened again. I had played the angry husband all week and not spoke to her other than basic household details. There were times when I was missing or wanting to talk to her and all I had to do was think about the bad things and that would go away. I have tried to detach myself from her as mucyh as possible because I don't know where this is going to go.
I broke down yesterday when she walked into my room and went into the closet and I asked her what she was "stealing" and she turned to me and said nothing, but I smiled and shen knew it was a joke and came over and gave me a small kiss on the lips. I don't know if this was good, bad or me giving in to her again. I would like to just be the supportive husband and make sure the we all get through this as a family.
As far as the children are concerned, my daughter is in the detox facility as we speak, doing great so she isn't subject to any abuse. My son I think is going to be attending some sort of counseling to make sure there are no long term affects from this. And me I have been attending counseling to get through some of the past issues that occured and will continue to do so.