Thank you ~ he asked me again today, kind of jokingly, if I'd decided whether or not to stay with him. (I thought I'd already been clear). He was obviously expecting me to say 'yes, I'll stay, just keep the drinking away from us'. Instead, I said I'm moving out.
He doesn't understand, because we have so much else working for us. Everything else. All I could do was repeat that I'm not willing to live like this anymore.
I'm crying because I'm sad, because I hurt him on purpose, because everything else has been so good.
And I keep thinking of coming downstairs to get breakfast ready after sleeping alone all night to find him pie-eyed and still drinking. Of steering him past sleeping children so they won't see him like that.
I don't know what will happen next, but I do know that a year from now, I won't be dealing with frequent, arbitrary, drunken rebukes; or a boyfriend who isn't available because he's hung over; or a vague sense of unease, just because it's Tuesday.
I just read my personal mission statement...at the end, it reads "Everyone wins, or I don't play." That seems pretty clear.
Keep me in your prayers, please.
- Sylvie