Well, I'm glad you're here happyme. I s'pose you know first hand what it's like living with addicts. I can see you are ready to change and change you must!!
I had a 30 career wading through whiskey river. Four kids...youngest is now 18 and on her own. So although I've changed in the past 70 days -no one will know it right now!
My kids are all in other states living their lives, serving in the military, etc.
I'm glad you have made a choice to stop now while you're kids are young. This is a great support system if you take advantage of it.
You say you want desparately to stop but you never seem to be able to. Lets say that sentence again...minus the not being able to part. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Take it one day at a time.