As dysfunctional as they are, I don't believe that my mil or fil would ever bad-mouth me to my children or even to my "R"AH (I like the "R", I have struggled with what to call mine as he is not drinking, but not active in his recovery). I think they speak highly of me or just don't say much if they are annoyed with me and my ability to "act". (Actually, fil may badmouth me to "R"AH when he is drinking...in fact, I am sure he does.) I am comfortable with my children being there and even though my fil is an A, he is a very controlled, quiet A and I think it goes quite unnoticed by the children, at least at this point. And the brother isn't there very often. When "R"AH was drinking, that was a different story. I kept the kids with me as much as I could without causing an uproar. I just plain old feared for their safety! At least I don't have that particular problem right now.