Hey BJ, I ask myself the same question plenty of times.
With all my screaming and shouting to AH that he is in denial, I come to realize that I am also probably in some denial.
I am working on acceptance - mainly acceptance that as much as I want AH to be in a recovery program right now and recover the way I think he should recover it does not work that way.
The only person I can help recover is myself and it's hard to keep that focus on myself everyday and so I think I tend to sway back and forth and deny the situation every so often.
Hope you don't mind, I am using this post to put my word out hoping my actions will follow.
I thought sharing where I am at might be helpful, may or may not be.