The vortex
My son is spiraling once again.
Calling me threatening suicide but refusing to tell me where he is.....just that he is in his car in a parking lot. Telling me that he needs to sleep and if I won't let him come to our house, it's over. He's going to run his car into a tree or wall or something.
I told him that I love him but he can't come to our house. I told him that I can't keep doing the same thing over and over and over again expecting a different result.
He said that his head was messed up and he couldn't think straight. I asked him when the last time he used.....he said "I don't know four or five days ago but I'm so sick."
I asked him if he would let me take him to a hospital or detox. He yelled that he had already detoxed (????really????). I told him that I wasn't qualified to help him but would take him where he needed to go if he was ready to commit. He again repeated that he couldn't think straight and that his (bio) dad would give him a place to sleep but he couldn't get in touch with him. And that if I didn't want to help him to just say so and he would do what he needed to do.
He threated to kill himself again and I told him I loved him and he hung up on me.
I've spent the afternoon praying and reading.
It looks like I'm going to have to go no contact with him to protect myself from him. I can't continue to take the emotional hammering.
I am coming to a point of acceptance that no mother should ever have to come to. I think I feel numb and I may be mistaking that feeling for serenity.