EveningRose

I severed ties about 3 years ago. I feel some anger at having it made clear that the entire immediate family regarded me as the problem in all situations, and felt free to blame my sister's tantrums on me. It became obvious I had a choice: cut ties or continue to see family on the understanding that if I 'annoy' them, they can berate and humiliate me, but if I may never so much as politely object to anything they do because they are above reproach.

I tossed it around in my mind for a long time. Can I just roll my eyes, shrug it off, be polite and smile knowing I don't have to see them again until the next holiday? My answer was, when it comes to out and out screaming rages at holiday dinners that left me, as an adult, nearly in tears--no. I can't. If it had stayed at the level of stupid comments, yes, I could have.

I'm angry and hurt that my sisters have one by one sided with my parents: the older sibling who freely acknowledges that they weren't great parents and messed her up; the younger sibling who admits she knows they were not great parents to the older two of us--and yet wants me to suck it up and pretend; and the youngest with whom I have never had any problems before--also not speaking to me now.

I have noticed that certain extended family members are closer with my sibligns than me, and given my mother's toxic tongue, I do wonder just how much has said over the years and is saying now that's affected my relationship with them. Because I don't think I've done anything wrong to them.

Despite all of that, I feel overall that I did, not only the 'right' thing, but the only thing I could have done. I didn't want to spend holidays with my kids seeing that this is how family behaves, having meltdowns and rages. I didn't want my kids getting the idea I was the family punching bag, and have them one day treat me like that, too.

I don't miss any of my family, to be honest. My parents are both miserable people, my dad isn't that great of a husband, my mother snipes at him in public, he basically makes fun of her for doing it--yeah, fun Easter dinner there--she complains all the time and tells me I deserve to be treated poorly by others, he walks around the neighborhood in a little bath towel at 2 in the morning and climbs ladders in the same bath towel (nothing else) with women in the room; they both yell at my kids, even slap them, refuse to give me a chance to be the mother and then accuse me of not parenting my kids! When I was alone with either of them, they'd run down the other.

No, I do not miss any of it!

They're in their 70's. I feel no guilt at the prospect that they'll die and I won't have spoken to them. I don't gloat, I wish it were otherwise, but I believe they've brought this on every step of the way. I see no way at all in which I could reasonably continue a relationship with them.