You Need Al-anon!!
I began dating a man in recovery 5 years ago...while we were dating, he was really into his recovery and we were in that "in love" stage...everything was wonderful and he seemed like a normal guy. I didn't think I needed al-anon. Then, we got married. He's been on a dry drunk for the last two years.
It's been hell. The manipulation, the rage, and the need for perfection are horrible. It's affected my kids also. Now that I am learning more, I realized he started manipulating me early in our relationship only I didn't recognize it - I had never been around someone who did anything like that. I justified some of his behavior as time went on because of his knee or back problems etc....I wish I had known so much more back then - I could have avoided a horrible situation.....
Now, I am focusing on setting boundaries and trying to decide if the marriage is worth all of the pain, sleepless nights, and fights. And yes, Al-anon helps.
I think it would help you to listen to the people at al-anon talk - as they talk about the manipulation etc, it will open your eyes to what can happen...
Learn as much as you can before commiting to him!